I am pretty sure that everyone is aware (to an extent) of the plight that African American women face in regards to marriage and relationships. Typically, I hate discussing the issue because it always seems to present itself in every ordinary conversation that I have with my friends. Today was no exception. Driving back from church today, one of my close friends and I discussed the wedding of a mutual friend that took place last night. As we giggled with excitement over the details of her dress, hair and ring, we were all too reminded of our singleness and began our usual colloquy on the general marriageability of black women, particularly educated black women. For the record, I must note that our friend graduated from our university with top honors and is currently pursuing her JD from one of the finest law schools in the country. I mention this because of the widespread belief that educated black women are destined for spinsterhood due to their egregious desire to better themselves. Over the course of our conversation, I reeled over the common threads that connected 10 of my closest friends. The prevailing generalities that I noticed from the top were that they are all educated, attractive, outgoing, spiritual women. They are also all single. I then took into consideration my friend who was riding back with me from church. Unbeknownst to her, I have always admired her for the woman that she is... she is smart, pretty, personable, and a great dancer. She is in the process of obtaining her master's degree and plans to own her own business someday (her level of ambition does not cause me to doubt that she will do just that). In spite of her total wonderfulness, she has been single for as long as I have known her.
When did education and ambition become strikes against the Black woman and her chances of becoming a wife? I may be wrong, but I feel that the diminished likelihood of marriage for EBWs (educated Black women) provides a sad commentary on the expectation that education is still the sole entitlement of males and the woman's place is still in the home, namely the kitchen and bedroom.
Now wait, before you go charging me up over what you may feel is feminist male bashing, take my argument into consideration. If this were not the case, why is it that 70% of Black women are single and 42.3% of Black women never marry? Why do a woman's chances of being a wife and mother reversely correlate to her level of education?
Ok, I apologize. That did sound like bashing. But I guess that my frustration comes from the fact that most explanations that I've heard shift the blame onto women who supposedly deem most of their prospects as "unmarriageable." In my opinion, this isn't the case. I personally am drawn to ambition and I feel that most women are as well. It's right under spirituality and attractiveness for me. If a man knows what he wants to do and approaches his goals with unrelenting drive, that is definitely a plus. Since there is a stipulation that women are naturally attracted to powerful men, any intimidation that one man must feel toward the overall ambition of his love interest should be checked at the door. I am pretty sure that if I presented this issue to a few of my sagacious male friends, they would tear this topic up. I would love to know how they feel about it. I'm always up for correction. PEACE
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