This is that new [sic], keep them standin' in line/that Universal Mind Control, now move your behind/you know you like it, it's calling your name/this is that new [sic] and it don't feel the same.
Yesterday, the feds cut off my TV. Not because of my engagement in suspicious activities, but because of their tendency to frequently send friendly reminders to everyone who has not yet installed the digital converter box for the impending Television Revolution on the 17th of next month. About two weeks ago, I received two $40 coupons for the televisions in my home so that I can continue to fuel my unhealthy addiction to mindless hours of couch surfing (I have yet to purchase the things, I perform best under pressure). My friend and I have come to the conclusion that it's all a conspiracy. That's right... universal mind control.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means a paranoid person (though at times I think that I should be), but I'm wondering why we're spending so much time and money on something that seems, well, trivial. The argument for the movement is that by switching to DTV, television stations will be able to multicast by providing several streams of HDTV programs simultaneously. It will also free up airwaves that can be used toward "advanced wireless and public safety devices" that can be used to assist police, fire departments and rescue squads if necessary. Whatever. Despite my belief that the switch will facilitate the government in tracking my whereabouts, I'm still going to purchase the converter boxes before they turn off my television and I'm left to do more productive stuff like read or exercise. It's my responsibility to uphold and protect the American way.
PEACE
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