Of Life and Tightropes: He Regresado.

Life is a balancing act. At 24 years of age, I'm finding that the way that I have perceived myself has been largely linear and deceptive. It wasn't until recently that I was forced to examine all of the different roles that I play and the extent to which I am playing them well... and have discovered that in a lot of ways, I am lacking in every area (insert sad face here). On any given day, I wear the daughter hat, the sister hat, the friend hat, the best friend hat, the employee hat, the Christian hat, the friendship mediator hat, the black woman hat, the single black woman hat, and of course my least favorite: the frustrated artist/misguided/anxious quarter-life crisis recoveree hat. In real life, I don't even like to wear hats; I think that my head is too big. But proverbially speaking, hats are all that I wear... and each one could be worn a bit more efficiently. I am, in no means, a perfectionist. I can realize that there are some things that will never live up to my standards, so I accept them at what I consider to be their highest maximum potential and let things be what they are. But are there ways that I can let my mom know on a deeper and more genuine level how much I love her? Could I call my brother more? Could I hang out with my friends more? Are there more proficient ways of keeping my friends from not speaking to one another (and moreso, finding a way to hang with both parties without seeming "two faced")? Am I doing my job in excellence? Am I purveying my race and relationship status in a way that does not show me off to be a charity case or perpetual desperator (not in the dictionary, don't look it up)? Most importantly, am I doing what I should to provide myself with more clarity in terms of what I want to be doing with my life? The ideal answer to all of these questions is "Sure, of course." But perhaps I should be asking, if I improve in all of these areas... how will it affect my wellbeing... mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc. I know tons of people (particularly women) who stretch themselves to the point that there is nothing left for them. Or at least they feel that nothing is left for them. Since I'm trying to get away from this whole "deep but not profound" blog thing... I guess I will let the questioning end here. The answers will come eventually.

Prayerfully. Until Wheneva,

Jess