Sunday, November 8, 2009
A Personal Post on Priorities.
Untitled
Misunderstandings and preparations for the heart break
Are all that seem to flood my mind these days
In your absence I’ve bridged levees with art and silence and incompetent replicas
But nothing drowns out the blinding honest that your comfort lies with and in and around
Someone else
So I wait and I pray and I try
To comprehend that perhaps we’re not meant to be
And that’s when the oceans flow
A muscle accustomed to pumping sheer interest in you births a bitter acquiescence to the acknowledgement of its demise
Misdirected vows of loyalty yield solitaire diamonds and solitaire existence
A joker in love’s losing game.
PEACE,
Jess
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Of Life and Tightropes: He Regresado.
Life is a balancing act. At 24 years of age, I'm finding that the way that I have perceived myself has been largely linear and deceptive. It wasn't until recently that I was forced to examine all of the different roles that I play and the extent to which I am playing them well... and have discovered that in a lot of ways, I am lacking in every area (insert sad face here). On any given day, I wear the daughter hat, the sister hat, the friend hat, the best friend hat, the employee hat, the Christian hat, the friendship mediator hat, the black woman hat, the single black woman hat, and of course my least favorite: the frustrated artist/misguided/anxious quarter-life crisis recoveree hat. In real life, I don't even like to wear hats; I think that my head is too big. But proverbially speaking, hats are all that I wear... and each one could be worn a bit more efficiently. I am, in no means, a perfectionist. I can realize that there are some things that will never live up to my standards, so I accept them at what I consider to be their highest maximum potential and let things be what they are. But are there ways that I can let my mom know on a deeper and more genuine level how much I love her? Could I call my brother more? Could I hang out with my friends more? Are there more proficient ways of keeping my friends from not speaking to one another (and moreso, finding a way to hang with both parties without seeming "two faced")? Am I doing my job in excellence? Am I purveying my race and relationship status in a way that does not show me off to be a charity case or perpetual desperator (not in the dictionary, don't look it up)? Most importantly, am I doing what I should to provide myself with more clarity in terms of what I want to be doing with my life? The ideal answer to all of these questions is "Sure, of course." But perhaps I should be asking, if I improve in all of these areas... how will it affect my wellbeing... mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, etc. I know tons of people (particularly women) who stretch themselves to the point that there is nothing left for them. Or at least they feel that nothing is left for them. Since I'm trying to get away from this whole "deep but not profound" blog thing... I guess I will let the questioning end here. The answers will come eventually.
Prayerfully. Until Wheneva,
Jess
Posthumous Crushes...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Just a Thought...
1) It's the end time.
AND/OR
2) All of these rappers are covert psychologists.
Reason 1 is viable because in the last days, Earth is to be plagued with unfathomable terrors that the world has never known... if this rap garbage isn't a plague, I don't know what is.
Reason 2 is viable because I'm convinced that a good percentage of these rappers may have solid educations and are recording whatever comes to their minds in an attempt to see how our culture responds to it. In my mind, I can see Ron Browz, B-Hamp, and whoever created "Stanky Leg" sitting at a round table and poring over statistics about society and its reaction to mindless lyrical rhetoric. From there, they purge a gauntlet of foolishness that's so ignant it's genius. After gauging the public's reaction via SoundScan and radio spins, they take those stats and use them to pen scholarly articles. This may be far-fetched, but I'm praying there's some sense to it as I don't know what other grounds I can justify this on.
B-Hamp: So, Dr. Browz, how should we celebrate our publication?
Ron: Pop champagne, HOOOOOOOOH
Food for thought... PEACE
Song of the Day
Ursula Rucker's "Lonely Can Be Sweet." I love this woman. She always seems to have words for the way that I feel at the moment.
Sweet... PEACE
Friday, February 13, 2009
Privilege
I'm in the process of reading Lalita Tademy's "Red River," the sequel to her first novel "Cane River." Both novels expound upon events that occurred in the histories of her father's and mother's families, respectivey. Her writing has inspired me to research my own family's history, which is proving itself to be an arduous yet fulfilling task. In this process, I've come to fully realize how valuable education was to those who were forbidden from obtaining it. As a race, Blacks have bounded from not being able to read, write, or reason without fear of retribution to a place where we are now fortunate to (and in many instances, expected to) pursue bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees. This ancestral research has led to my feelings of regret for choosing to sit out a year after graduation and also once viewing my bachelor's degree as the endpoint of my formal education. Beyond ancestry, I feel that I also have an obligation towards the millions of women globally whose governments and societies prohibit them from attending school. After reading this story concerning young Afghan girls who had acid thrown in their faces while walking to school, I felt like I was committing a strong disservice not only to myself, but to all of those historically and presently who have been denied such a great and wondrous opportunity for betterment and empowerment.
In this period of acceptance letter anticipation, I choose to be grateful for privilege. Not just for the privilege of obtaining education, but for the privilege of being able to express my own ideas and thoughts, the privilege of being able to make declarations about my faith, and the privilege to oppose my government without fear of imprisonment, torture or worse. I hold on to this gratitude because I really know how fragile privilege can be; at any moment what I hold to be an inherent right can be taken from me at any time. Until that day, I will be thankful. I will praise God for the ability to go further and abound more greatly than those that have come before me. Beyond that, I am grateful that I can expect my daughter to surpass her mother's level of capability. Ain't that good news?
Indeed it is... PEACE
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Happy Singles Awareness Day
So Saturday is Valentine's Day, or as I like to call it, Singles Awareness Day. On February 14 of each year, singles around the country are reminded of just how lonely they truly are. I've never been one to bemoan being single because, in all honesty, I think I like it better than being in a relationship (blame it on my being a commitment phobe). Despite the propositions that I have received to become someone's Valentine, I've decided to sit this one out. Literally. This year I think that I will find greater solace in curling up on my couch with a great movie as opposed to going out on a date for the sake of being on a date. Of course, I love the idea of being in love; I can't wait until I get to experience it for real. But until then, I choose not to engage in the frills, bells and dings of pretense that heavily saturates a day that was initially established to honor a martyr. Anyhoo. I'm not going to ruin it for those that are in love. By all means, celebrate with your complement. When God blesses me with the opportunity, I am sure that I will do the same.
Now I feel all tingly inside... PEACE
Monday, February 9, 2009
Barackcracy
I want to start this post by saying that I love my president. Economic duress or no, he's doing a great job. Granted, he has been in office only three weeks and there are times that I feel he looks in over his head, but who wouldn't with the condition that our country is in. I just finished watching the Presidential News Conference and even though I feel that he answered some questions better than others (I'd still like to hear less ambiguous solutions), I appreciate his calmness and ability to think on his feet. And the cool "Black Man Swag" to and from the podium doesn't hurt, either :)
But, with all of this discussion about bailouts and stimuli, I can't help but to side with my commander-in-chief on the topic of passing a bill that will create more jobs for our struggling economy... on the one hand, I'm skeptical as $827B is a LOT of money, but on the other hand, I'm open to the stimulus package as our unemployment rates are somewhat embarrassing. With the national unemployment rate at a little over 7% (African American unemployment at 12.6%), I'm wondering why a debate is even taking place. Weren't my tax dollars volunteered for the outlandish bailout that rescued businesses and CEOs who irresponsibly misappropriated funds? I guess the biggest argument is that the last economic stimulus package was a "failure" as people pocketed the money or paid down debts as opposed to flocking to the mall (myself included), but honestly, won't an ability to pay down personal debts contribute to shopper confidence in the future? My logic makes me think that the person who knows that they have little or no debt will feel more comfortable making purchases than the person who is inundated with debt and knows it is entirely unfeasible to treat "free" government money as an excuse for a second Christmas. Beyond a stimulus check and job creation, I see nothing wrong with a plan that not only supports the repair of roadways and bridges that pose threats to human life, but also seeks to provide a more solid education to our children and guarantees tax cuts for college students and middle class families. Perhaps I need to read up more on these issues (self-education has dropped majorly in the past few days), but right now I'm not seeing many viable ones... some say that passing an $800 Billion package is fiscally irresponsible, but passing a $700 Billion bailout isn't any less absurd. Especially when the beneficiaries earn $1M+ in three weeks. Only God knows how this is all going to pan out and whether we'll see the effects of our financial illiteracy.
Yay for superficial politics... PEACE
It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times...
I had several sporadic thoughts while watching the Grammys last night. For some people, the Grammy is an award given to musical artists who have received a certain pinnacle of success during a particular year. For me, the Grammys is more or less a ceremony where the popular are celebrated while the truly talented are acknowledged but not awarded. Granted, some of the truly deserving earned the coveted golden gramophone, but many of the winners last night honestly earned the award based on the fact that their ubiquitous images monopolized television and radio venues or because they were board favorites, others were winners regardless of the fact that their work was widely unknown by the masses. Anyhoo. Here we go (in no particular order):
"Big ups to Jennifer Hudson for performing."
"Why is Justin Timberlake singing the majority of the Motown tribute while Al Green diddy-bops across the stage and Boyz II Men holds it down as background singers?"
"Whitney Houston looks fabulous... is she high?"
"I enjoyed the Jay-Z and Coldplay piece. I really don’t mind Jay doing all of this music with rock/alternative bands."
"I’m glad that Sugarland won, they’re one of the very few country groups that I can listen to."
"Totally didn’t pay attention to Kid Rock’s performance."
"I really tried to listen to BFFs Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift and just couldn’t. They’re both adorable girls, I just don’t think that they’re talented."
"Why is Stevie sharing a stage with the Jonas Brothers. They officially sucked the soul out of 'Superstitious.'"
"Did Katy Perry’s performance set reinforce the homosexual derogatory term “fruity?” Ms.Perry, please have a seat."
"I wonder what else is on."
"Yay Estelle & Kanye... “American Boy” was one of my fave songs of ’08."
"Kinda sad Jazmine didn’t win, but at least the Brothers Jonas didn’t win… go Adele :)"
"M.I.A. is pregnant?! That is so not a maternity top… She’s my girl, but I’ma need her to be near a hospital on her due date!! Thank God the water didn’t break…that would have been tragic."
"Adele is a great singer."
"Lupe won nothing."
"The New Orleans tribute was great. Makes me wonder how the new administration is going to rectify this ongoing travesty."
"This is kinda boring."
"Did they just interrupt Stevie's performance to run credits and a Delta Airlines spot?!"
"Last year's Grammy's were better..."
If I had to assign a grade to the Grammy's, it would earn a solid C. Good enough to hold my attention, but questionable enough to make me consider boycotting it.
Music might not be dead, but it sure is on life support... PEACE
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thoughts, Words, Actions.
Today at church, I finally accepted something that I've been trying to ignore for the past few weeks. For a while now, I feel as if I've been maintaining some facade that I can no longer keep up. In attempts to gather a deeper understanding of people and world events, I feel that I have compromised my own beliefs in hopes that I could convince others that I'm more liberal than I actually am. In all honesty, I'm a Christian. Ever since my mother compromised her elementary school teacher salary to put me and my brother through Christian parochial school, I've been weaned on Christian principles that place limitations on what I can and cannot support. If one were to examine the beliefs that am passionate about, it would become apparent that they closely parallel those held by Christian conservatives. I've been hesitant to accept the title of "conservative" due to the many negative connotations associated to the term and the many political and religious models that have given it a bad name. I mean, I'm contemporary. Not all of the music that I listen to is gospel, and I am in the process of learning how to be disciplined when it comes to praying and reading my Bible daily. After hearing today's sermon, I am hereby refusing to dissociate myself from something that I believe is inherently attached to my morals, values, and beliefs. I just might be conservative.
Now that I am accepting this title, I feel that it is my responsibility to clear up the misconceptions that are intrinsically linked to it. Something that I feel has been terribly amiss from conservatism is the concept that we are to love, not tolerate. If we approach love as a noun, we know it to be patient, kind, not boastful, envious or proud as outlined in 1 Corinthians 13. However, if we choose to approach it as a verb, love is, at its core, do unto others as you would have them do unto you and love others as you love yourself. Recently, Oprah aired a segment that featured a comment that many people had trouble digesting:
In the above clip, Reverend Ed Bacon makes the declaration that being gay is a "gift from God." His basis for his statement is that each individual is equipped with God-given talents and capabilities that are intended to make the world a more livable place. This is true. But in Christianity, homosexuality is a sin as evidenced in 1 Corinthians 6 and God's reactions to Sodom and Gomorrah. In my book, biblical substantiation overrides public opinion. Informing people that what God considers sin is in actuality a gift is fallible and dangerous. Now, if we recognize homosexuality as a sin, that does not give Christians a license to hate in the name of protecting and preserving Christian values. In John 13:34, Jesus commands us to love others as He has loved us, which means that we are to treat each other with unconditional love and respect. No one is inoculated from sin. We are all faulty and have fallen short of the grace of God (Romans 3:23). Therefore, in the midst of these questionable times, it is imperative that we pray for each other and hold one another accountable in lieu of judging one another for their imperfections.
In being conservative, I cannot truly say that I agree with the political views held by individuals who claim themselves as such, so I have decided to become an independent. In the last election, I voted for the person who I felt was the best presidential candidate, but due to a lack of self-education, I hastily voted a straight-democratic ticket for the other government hopefuls without conducting proper research. As a result, I could have very well played a part in electing some incompetent tyrant to office (let's hope not). From a religious viewpoint, I cannot support gay marriage or abortion. My faith doesn't allow it. In doing so, I would feel that I am denying what I hold to be true to the inerrant word of God. Therefore, I will hereby make more conscious efforts to ensure that my thoughts, words, and actions are in accordance to what is true, just, virtuous and of good report. If the world doesn't like me for it, that is fine. I just can't keep lying to myself or my God any longer.
Grace... & PEACE
God Bless The Child
After weeks of bombs, terrorism and civilian casualties, I'm looking forward to the day when one of the many peace treaties that have been proposed and dissolved over the duration of this entire ordeal will finally stick. Politics aside, it would be nice if we could learn how to coexist peacefully.
PEACE
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Universal Mind Control?
This is that new [sic], keep them standin' in line/that Universal Mind Control, now move your behind/you know you like it, it's calling your name/this is that new [sic] and it don't feel the same.
Yesterday, the feds cut off my TV. Not because of my engagement in suspicious activities, but because of their tendency to frequently send friendly reminders to everyone who has not yet installed the digital converter box for the impending Television Revolution on the 17th of next month. About two weeks ago, I received two $40 coupons for the televisions in my home so that I can continue to fuel my unhealthy addiction to mindless hours of couch surfing (I have yet to purchase the things, I perform best under pressure). My friend and I have come to the conclusion that it's all a conspiracy. That's right... universal mind control.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means a paranoid person (though at times I think that I should be), but I'm wondering why we're spending so much time and money on something that seems, well, trivial. The argument for the movement is that by switching to DTV, television stations will be able to multicast by providing several streams of HDTV programs simultaneously. It will also free up airwaves that can be used toward "advanced wireless and public safety devices" that can be used to assist police, fire departments and rescue squads if necessary. Whatever. Despite my belief that the switch will facilitate the government in tracking my whereabouts, I'm still going to purchase the converter boxes before they turn off my television and I'm left to do more productive stuff like read or exercise. It's my responsibility to uphold and protect the American way.
PEACE
Ugh. Mid-Afternoon Rant.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Relaxer? When Was My Hair Ever Tense?
As of recently, I've been desiring to make a few necessary adjustments in my life. It's often said that when a woman is looking for change, she often does something drastic to her appearance. I've come to realize that I am no exception; for the past few months I have been experimenting with makeup, altering my exercise patterns, and monitoring my eating habits in order to a make a healthier and more improved me. Amongst my efforts to tone up my arms and become a disciplined pescetarian, I have also shifted some of my focus to my hair. On Valentine's day, it will have been two years since I straigtened my follicles with the aid of a relaxer. Since then, I have sprouted a head full of kinky, curly, wavy naps that I have fallen madly in love with. However, I am in the process of discovering all of the things that I can do with it... when I was considering growing out my relaxed hair, or "going natural" as it is often referred as, I was convinced by my natural sisters that unprocessed hair is just as versatile as it is when it is chemically altered. I had no reason to believe otherwise as most of them sported twists, locs, braids and puffs while managing to look nothing short of fabulous. Some even played around with hair color. After much consideration and angst, I ultimately clipped off the relaxed ends of my coif and began the long and arduous journey of accepting the uninhibited and unaltered hair that was undoubtedly mine.
This past Friday I entrusted my hair to my good friend who knows how to work the mess out of her curling iron. For three hours, she combed, parted, conditioned, blowdried and pressed my hair until it laid as flat as it did when I was still rocking a perm.
The scene took me back to the kitchen salon of my momma's friend that she faithfully sent me to every two weeks in order to have my roots touched up and tamed. In my family, straight hair was the status quo. Anything else outside of that was considered untamed, unkempt and uncouth. My mother's family bore a long line of women with naturally curly and wavy hair. The introduction of my father's DNA into the blood line yielded something that they were definitely not used to: a head of hair that did not obey with minimal combing and prodding and defiantly refused to respond to light heat. My mother was so taken aback that she administered my first relaxer when I was two. Despite having a perm, my hair was too thick and too coarse to make life for a working mother easy. Many an afternoon I was hoisted into a high chair and subjected to the torture of having someone tug at my scalp until I was driven to the point of tears. When I got older I was introduced to a pressing comb that burned my ears and forehead more times than I was comfortable with. When I got older I eventually took my hair into my own hands and began to relax, color, curl and press my hair on my own. Despite feeling like my scalp had been doused with gasoline and set aflame, I persisted with my relaxers as I felt that it was the typical instrument that ensured maintenance of the hegemonic European standard of beauty that is pervasive in today's society. It wasn't until my sophomore year in college that things eventually came to a head. While waiting on a bus stop to go home, I ran my fingers through my newly permed strands and clumps of hair came out. I freaked out. I came home, looked in the mirror, and noticed that several parts of my hair had broken out, leaving behind random patches of unrelaxed roots (go figure). You would think that would have been my last relaxer ever. I went on to perm my hair several times after that until one day it finally hit me. Everytime I visited the "ethnic care" aisle in a drug store or beauty supply I felt that I was perpetrating in a major way. Here I was, just as Black as I wanna be, buying a box of cream that made my scalp feel as if someone was ripping the flesh from my head in hopes that I could have long flowing locks like the smiling woman on the box. What was I hiding?
During my "transition" phase from relaxed to natural hair, I learned that my hair was interesting. It spiraled, it kinked, it curled. It grew out and not down. It was totally different from anything that I'd ever known my hair to be. The crinkly texture felt good to the pads of my fingers. For the first time in my life, I truly felt that I loved my hair. I did not cut my hair for political reasons, but over the course of my transition I began to develop an appreciation for a hair that is indigenously African. Coarse hair is scientifically explained as a trait inherent amongst people living in warmer regions as it provides a way for cool air to escape from the scalp. It was a statement worn by people (including Caucasians) in the early to middle half of the 20th century for reasons that bordered between protest and fad. As the smoke billowed from my friend's curling iron, I felt that I was, in a way, doing the same thing that I did when I chemically straightened my hair. Hiding something. Fighting something that is naturally a part of me. In the three days that my hair has been straightened, I have been dodging raindrops, gauging humidity, and wrapping my head in plastic before I jump in the shower all in an attempt to prevent my hair from evidencing the fact that it is indeed nappy. Without sounding vain or boastful, I am also struggling with all of the new attention that I am getting from the opposite sex. When I am wearing my trademark puff, my compliments are mainly generated from women and men who have an appreciation for women with natural hair. Typically they'll walk past and utter "I love your hair, sis" without breaking their stride or pausing to hear me say, "Thank you." With my hair being pressed, I am noticing that I'm getting more head turns, car honks and "Hey baby, what's your name?"s from all kinds of men. It's really awkward and it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. I'm always self conscious and it just doesn't feel like the real me. Although it's been nice having the reminiscent experience of running my fingers through my hair, I have just come to terms with the fact that my hair is what is intrisically me. We'll see how long the feeling lasts.
PEACE
Song of the Day
Diana Ross - Home (The Wiz)
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Diana Ross sings "Home" from the epic film "The Wiz." In all honesty, this movie jacked me up as a kid. I developed an unhealthy fear of snowstorms, subways, graffiti and women that looked like Evilene. But I have since been healed and have come to accept it as one of my favorite films of all time... and Ms. Ross sings her BUTT OFF in this scene. Sheer greatness.
PEACE
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Irony
Yesterday I did not go to work. Even if I weren’t approved for time off, I would have taken it anyway because I was not going to miss our country inaugurate its first Black president. One of my best friends followed suit and made the decision to boycott school for the day so that she could watch the event at my house. Together, we sat on that couch and wept. We wept when we saw two brown girls and their grandmother descend the steps onto Capitol Hill. We were still weeping when we saw their tall, gorgeous mother cascade to her seat in anticipation of her husband. We wept some more when our president got his first glimpse of the two million people who flooded the mall in order to hear him speak and bear witness to history. There were no words. No expressions. Just tears. Not those Jesse Jackson "we got our first Black president, I still wanna castrate him" tears, but those "My God, it's finally happening" tears. My friend and I have bore only 23 years, but the experiences of our foremothers and forefathers are fresh on our minds. The visions of bruised and bloodied black bodies swinging from trees and despondent brown faces placidly existing in the rear corners of every public institution permeated our awareness and made the situation at hand all the more weighty. It was truly surreal. Tears gave way to prayer. Prayer gave way to rejoicing. Rejoicing gave way to awe. Not just awe of the magnitude of the moment, but of the realization that our country is indeed changing. There's a Black man in the White House.
Some people liken the day to a honeymoon with the actual marriage beginning today. Now begins the accountability, the expectancy of promise fulfillment, and the warranted criticisms for any failure to bring about the change that we voted for. I have every intention to hold our president responsible, and with as much tenacity as I exerted towards those that have preceded him, but I am so grateful for the blessing of having witnessed something that I didn't have much hope of seeing in my lifetime. I refuse to believe the criticisms that all of the celebration is only a fallacious preparation for disappointment. In all honesty, I am more proud of my country's growth than I am of Barack Obama. I am more proud of a generation that turned out in droves to spite its predecessors by looking beyond a black posterior and choosing to elect the better candidate. I am more proud of my people who, while recognizing that we are not yet in a post-racial era, still vow to embrace and support our brother throughout the scrutiny that he may encounter yet refuse to allow his Blackness to provide an excuse for ineffectiveness. I remember how bothered I was when someone mentioned that Obama's biracial background did not truly make the election as historic as most people thought; he is still half white, so he's not really our country's first "Black" president. Well. Less than 150 years ago, mulattos were just as Black as any deep-hued Black person alive. Mulattos, Quadroons, Octoroons, and anyone else believed to have a drop of Black blood were considered Black. That drop barred them from enrolling in school, owning property, and voting in elections. When people look at Barack, they don't say, "Oh look, he's White." They see a broad nose, tawny skin and coarse hair. They see a Black man. A man who would not have been able to vote in an election has now been voted into the most powerful position in the free world. Excuse my enthusiasm, but my president is Black! I am not sure what the next four years will look like, but right now I choose to relish in the newlywed phase of our marriage. As with all things, I also choose to take it step by step daily and let the Lord lead. I pray that God will keep our brother safe and grounded in these tumultuous times and that he can emerge from this dark era unscathed. Peace be upon him.
PEACE
Benediction
Dr. Josephy Lowery of the ever impactful Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) delivered a wonderful benediction at Obama's inauguration. Truthfully, I must say that it was my favorite part of the ceremony.
May we turn to each other and not on each other.
PEACE
Saturday, January 17, 2009
From The 22 To The 44
PEACE
Friday, January 16, 2009
Like A Virgin?
I'm in the process of reading "Virgin: The Untouched History" by Hanne Blank. I picked up this book because I'm trying to figure out what the virgin's role in society is. Anomalous and awkward, virgins have to discover ways to convince larger society that they are still culturally and theologically significant and therefore relevant. For most people, virginity loses its appeal once one becomes discontent with being viewed as inexperienced and incompetent in an area that heavily saturates our culture. In essence, one becomes overpowered by curiosity and/or pressure, volition is compromised, and deflowering ensues. I can recall that in my pre-adolescent years, many of the older women would make their admonitions by speaking in riddles. They would warn that when I got older, I should always make an effort to "be sweet" and remember that "good girls don't" (when in all actuality good girls do, and they do it with as much frequency as the bad/not-so-sweet girls). When I graduated from high school, my mother presented me with a gold ring, symbolic of purity, and told me to wear it until I could replace it with a wedding ring. I've never been one to back down from a challenge, so I've remained abstinent for the past five years that I've had it. There was something about this whole 'ceremony' of sorts that struck me as odd. My older brother wasn't sporting a purity ring... was he ever given one? Was he ever subjected to the awkwardness of discussing sexuality with a parental figure who made him vow to chastity before marriage?
I came across this article on the blog Something Within and began to wonder why chastity isn't encouraged nearly as much in boys as it is in girls. Is purity not a virtue that is transcendant between the sexes? The article describes the pompous (and rather lame)event of "Abstinence Balls" where a father presents his daughter with a lock and promises that the key will be given to her future husband on their wedding day (check the symbolism). That's creepy, and I'm glad that I was spared such an act of father-daughter bonding. I am familiar that biblically virgins are typified as women who have not married and have thereby not engaged in intercourse. The only chaste men referenced are eunuchs, or those that have been castrated so not as to have sex with the queen. There were even 'virginity checks'; a woman's groom had to present her father with a shroud stained with the blood that is shed upon initial coital contact. I've assumed that the double standards that exist between masculine and feminine virginity were, from a biblical viewpoint, resultant of Eve's decision to eat the forbidden fruit which henceforth implicated all women in various forms of suffering and disadvantage. And, being a Christian who accepts the Bible to be infallible, I go along with it. But given today's context, where one begins to experience ostracism upon remaining a virgin past the age of 21, it appears that the virgin is no longer the revered figure that it once was. In the days of the Bible, it was extremely unlikely that a woman would remain unmarried beyond the age of 20 with some being girls given as young as 12 or 13. It is speculated that at the time of Jesus' birth, Mary was approximately 15 or 16 years old and betrothed to her fiancee Joseph (who wanted to quietly break off the relationship out of fear that her pregnancy would lead people to believe that she had been ruined before marriage). Spinsterhood was also uncommon as late as the 19th century as more people married for subsistence as opposed to the abstract concepts of love and attraction. Nonetheless, today's notion of feminine virginity is a rare concept. Most women are assumed to be experienced to some degree prior to their marriage, and those who aren't are skeptically accepted into relationships out of fear that they're conservative views will place a strain on any attempts at interpersonal passion and connection.
There is a saying that the only men interested in virgin women are those that are too old and too slow to keep up with anything else. I've considered questions such as, "Why are women the only ones expected to maintain an oath of chastity prior to marriage?" and "Is this just an American thing or are all men exempt from the virgin doctrine?" I've noticed that the only ones, globally, that are stoned and considered "ruined" for having premarital or extramarital sex are women. Men are typically admonished not to get anyone pregnant or, as Pa said in The Color Purple, contract the "nasty woman's disease." Where's the accountability for male virginity? The Bible warns against sexual immorality and male prostitution, but the concept of sexual immorality is rather vague and most men aren't prostituting themselves when they choose to sleep with someone that they love. I have several male friends who have told me that they wish there was someone telling them to reserve their virginity for the women that were intended to be their wives. Furthermore, they've often felt that their masculinity was hopelessly attached to their sexuality; being a male virgin was a sign of wimpiness and an inability to appeal to women. As a result, they feel that they have given away something special to women that they have absolutely no feelings for, and to make matters worse, some have had children by these women. For this reason, I've decided to conduct a little more research. Hopefully, by further exploring this dichotomy between male and female virginity, I can come up with more concrete answers to my questions... a weird topic to research, but very enigmatic nonetheless.
PEACE
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
God Bless The Child
God, please bless Kanye West. From the looks of this picture, he isn't doing too well. Mr. West managed to lose a mother and a fiance in the span of a year and his most recent release 808s and Heartbreak depressed the mess out of me. I don't think he's acting. God, please be with this man.
Thank you and goodnight... PEACE
Monday, January 12, 2009
@#$%!
My apologies for the previous post. I confess that my admission was a tad bit TMI, and maybe I should have kept that fact to myself. But it was truly just one of those days... in a span of two hours, I had held a lighthearted conversation with an elderly gentleman on the bus, I had experienced anger and frustration with a coworker, and went through a crying fit because I felt fat and inadequate. In the midst of all of this emotional upheaval, perhaps something positive did come out of this rather odd experience. Eventually my head was clear enough to think about all of the ways that I had censored myself this morning. I censored myself when I resisted the urge to tell the elderly white man that I spoke with on the bus that I had intentions to attend the MLK March on the 19th out of fear that he would get the initial impression that I was an extremely pro-Black militant. I censored myself when my coworker not only failed to show backbone in admitting her mistakes, but tried to pin those mistakes on me. I censored myself when I told everyone that my puffy eyes and red nose were the results of allergies as opposed to feelings of discontent. Why had I chosen to do that to myself? I knew that I wasn't militant, I knew that I didn't feel nearly as placid as I looked during that encounter with my coworker, and I knew that I am one of the few people that I know who don't suffer from allergies. So why was I censoring myself?
I thought back to a few of the courses that I took as an undergrad. Of the innumerable studies that I read as a psychology major, a prevalent finding was that women, to varying degrees, are very docile and passive creatures. At the time, it was difficult digesting that. I grew up around too many strong-willed women who seemed to not know what it meant to be neither passive nor docile. I'd never been aggressive, so I knew that there had to be some truth to it. Women are more likely to curb their tongue, watch their actions, and yield to the aggressive party in a conflict more quickly than their male counterparts. Today, I did not want to settle on the assumption that my passiveness was resultant of me being socialized as a girl. I wanted to believe that there was something greater that spoke to me being anything but an emotional woman. It just sounded too cliche. But in all actuality, that is exactly why I did what I did today. Despite the fact that I have so many outspoken friends, I was trained by a traditional mother and grandmother that a woman is to be seen and not heard. This opinion was often reinforced by the majority of my female educators, none more than my high school principal who actually made the declaration during a senior assembly. It wasn't until I got to college that I became familiar with feminist attitudes, and by that time the ideology of the submissive woman had become so ingrained in my psyche that the thought of assuming the role of aggressor and defending one's femininity just seemed to be a risky foreign concept. A woman was to be nothing more than someone who merely existed to quietly acquiesce to the masculine right while simultaneously denying her own presuppositions of what is fair and what is of her own personal benefit. So perhaps this is why I chose not to tell the elderly man about my participation in the upcoming march. As opposed to being a Black person, I did not want him to think that a woman was using her voice to acknowledge the actions of an era that aided in the disestablishment of Jim Crow. But perhaps it was for a different reason that I chose not to explode on my coworker this morning. I didn't want to give those around me the satisfaction of assuming that I was a typical woman who can't control her emotions. It's for that same reason that I chose to lie about my tears so that no one would get the impression that I was soft. I'm pretty sure this isn't healthy. I'll admit that one of the things that I have to work on in the new year is to find a way to release the anxiety attached to expressing myself emotionally. In the words of Audre Lorde,
"I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood... when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak."
PEACE
Song of The Day
Stressed Out -- A Tribe Called Quest
This song encapsulates how I feel for today. My emotions have already run amok and it's not even 10:30... oh, the joys of being a menstruating working woman.
PEACE
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Song of The Day
Boyz II Men -- Color of Love
One of the best songs from one of the BEST R&B groups... PEACE
Friday, January 9, 2009
Le Greek Politique
I left the probate desiring the same thing. I was enthralled by the display of sisterhood that night, and made it a point to conduct a little research of my own. Growing up, I was familiar with their names. I can remember that my elementary school principal had a license plate frame on her car that read, "A Phi A Sweetheart, 1976." One of my science teachers in high school excitedly awaited rainy days so that she could pull out her humongous pink and green umbrella that let everyone know that she was a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha. My uncle took it upon himself to encourage my brother and me to make sure that we made Black greek life a part of our college experience by informing us of their histories and their significance in the Black community. I scoured the internet learning about the four sororities that are part of what is referred to as the "Divine Nine," or the nine organizations belonging to the National Panhellenic Council. I took in the histories of Zeta Phi Beta, Sigma Gamma Rho, Alpha Kappa Alpha, and Delta Sigma Theta, and soon learned that I wasn't the only one as their informational books did not become available at the campus library until weeks after I requested them. I eventually fell in love with the history and mission of one of these organizations and decided that I would attend the next interest meeting that they would hold in the upcoming semester. In the process of waiting for the interest meeting, I learned quite a bit about the politics of becoming greek. Displaying or vocalizing any interest in a particular organization virtually blacklisted you from becoming a member in the other organizations, and may even jeopardize your chances of becoming a part of your intended as it's crucial that one goes through the entire process undetected by the public. Approaching members for information on the next interest meeting, wearing the organization's colors at the interest meeting, and being seen arriving at or leaving from the interest meeting were all forbidden technicalities that put your chances of "making it on line" (or making it to the period that all pledges must go through for bonding and informational purposes) at risk. It was very confusing and intimidating. I had to get all of the information that I was looking for in a roundabout way so that I didn't give up the fact that I was interested in going greek. As the semester progressed, I didn't hear anything about an interest meeting and it wasn't until I picked up a copy of the campus paper and discovered that the organization had been banned for hazing.
Hazing is prohibited by the executive board of all nine organizations in the NPHC, but it is covertly implemented and oftentimes overlooked as an integral part in the bonding aspect of the pledge process. It is believed that enduring physical and mental torment strengthens the bond between pledges who go through the ordeal together. Hazing is also supposed to instill within the pledges a sense of pride for having suffered for membership in the organization. It is what separates the strong from the weak. The member from the wannabe. The pledge from the paper.
"Pledging paper" is a somewhat tragic oxymoron that excludes actual members of an organization from experiencing authentic brotherhood or sisterhood within their organization.
After learning that the organization I wanted to try out for had been banned for the rest of my undergraduate career, I wondered if I'd ever be a part of the sorority, or if I wanted to be associated with a group that would exchange torture for sisterhood. I tried to think over all of the ways that the organization had been beneficial to our university and our community, and I had a hard time doing so. I knew that they were good for throwing parties. I knew that they could put together a live step show. I knew that were able to commandeer the respect from greeks and non-greeks alike due to the prestige that is tied to their organization, but I just did not know enough about what they did for the community. I'd be overwhelmed if I received one community service flier for every two that I received advertising a greek foam party, club party or step show. In spite of being aware of all the good things that the graduate chapters of these organizations had contributed to the wellbeing of the community, I began to think that BGLOs were irrelevant on the college level.
Now, I have to give them some credit. I have attended my share of engaging, thought-provoking forums on campus that were hosted by members of these organizations. My questioning of the relevance of collegiate BGLOs was resultant of what I considered to be the prevalence of hypocrisy between what these organizations are today and what they were at the time of their inception. When I first became interested in a particular greek sorority, I remember how I was enamored by the indignation of the founders who sought to create a new organization in the shadow of another that they felt was more social than activist. I remember being enthused when I learned that several of my political, artistic and personal sheroes were members. I didn't want to join to step, strut, call, wear colors or throw up a hand sign. Those were fringe benefits. I wanted to join to be molded into a woman of intellect that had the power to change her world for the better, much like how its founders had. I do not doubt that BGLOs create individuals of this caliber, nor do I doubt the influence that BGLOs have had on our country and our world. But I cannot help but to imagine how much more efficient their impact would be on the college level if its members more closely emulated the organization's ideologies outlined in its original mission. Perhaps I still have a lot more to learn.
PEACE
P.S. -- I ultimately joined a non-NPHC organization, and I love my sorors dearly. I guess everything really does happen for a reason!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Ain't I a Woman?
During the process of orgasmic birthing, a woman is capable of achieving orgasm during childbirth with the assistance of a doula, as opposed to the more satisfying feeling of being ripped in half (note the sarcasm). After watching the segment, I, of course, was skeptical. I was waiting on the footage that showed these women screaming Uncle once the child's head popped out. I couldn't really blame the women for wanting to sexualize something so... how do you say... not sexy, but then again I wondered why it was necessary to do so. Biblically, pain in childbirth is believed to be one of the consequences assigned to all of womankind due to Eve's decision to eat the forbidden apple. Henceforth, all women can now expect to experience some degree of discomfort while ushering a life into this world. Cool. But is it truly expedient to use your baby as an instrument of sexual pleasure?
Furthermore, the birthing disparities that exist between the women in Sierra Leone and the women featured in the 20/20 segment are blatantly inequitable. The 20/20 women all had the option of running to a nearby hospital if something were to go wrong. They could be assured that all of the appropriate equipment would be readily available and that they would be seen by someone who has been trained in the safe delivery of children. For many women across the world, this is a luxury as the nearest hospital may be hundreds of miles away. Birth pains indiscriminately wreak havoc on female bodies before, during, and after the actual delivery. Some of the damage is cosmetic, while others may incur extensive internal damage... this brings to mind the young women of Ethiopia and Niger who develop fistulas because their underdeveloped hips are too narrow to accomodate their child's girth. In these countries, the age of the woman at the time of birth compounded with a lack of medical assistance during the delivery often equates to a condition that is only reparable through a surgery that they cannot afford; they are thereby dismissed from their communities as outcasts due to their inability to control their defecation. It is quite apparent that the place in which you give birth dictates how animalistic and barbaric your childbirth experience will be, and also whether or not you will have access to adequate health care for the injuries that you may incur during the process.
Perhaps I'm wrong for feeling that those who engage in orgasmic birthing are selfish, and, well, weird, but I feel that there are far greater human rights that are being neglected beyond the ability to reach orgasm during labor. Don't get me wrong, if you can figure out a way to birth children without any pain, let me know before my time comes. I just feel that we should be more sympathetic to the fact that out of the 500,000 women who die in childbirth each year, 495,000 live in underdeveloped nations. If we expect to continue in our beliefs of liberty and justice for all, we should look beyond our borders to assist those who are limited in the entitlement of both principles. If you are interested in researching more about women's rights, feel free to peruse the plethora of topics listed on the Washington Post's website, or visit The International Center for Research on Women for information about what you can do to get involved.
PEACE
Song of the Day
After a rousing 24-21 win over Ohio State last night, today's Song of the Day is UT's "The Eyes of Texas." Quan Cosby, will you marry me?
PEACE
Sunday, January 4, 2009
I Don't Think T-Pain Realizes How Pervasive He Is In Gospel Music
I'm not sure if T-Pain is aware of the extent to which his synthesized beats and vocoder prowess are employed by those seeking to appeal to lost souls. While at church today, members of our worship team composed and performed a song to the tune of T-Pain's most recent hit "Chopped & Screwed." I realized that many of the older congregants don't listen to hip-hop, much less the garbage they are playing on the radio today. But those closer to my age who listen to secular music were familiar with the song; we began to glance at each other questioningly, wondering if it were appropriate to condone the emulation of such a worldly song. Don't get me wrong, the song was catchy. I found myself walking out of service singing, "You've officially been saved by Christ, by Christ, saved-saved by Christ. You've officially been saved by Christ..."
But this wasn't the first time that I've heard Pain's influence in gospel music:
Mary Mary - God in Me
Powerhouse gospel group Mary Mary recently released an album that features a song entitled "God in Me." The song explicates the stories of those who are apparently living the "good life" as noted by peers and strangers while the subjects within the lyrics choose to credit God for blessing them with the things that they have. I think the message within the song is wonderful. Within the first 10 seconds, T-Pain's synthesized trademark "Haaa" is sampled on the track, and is looped several times throughout its duration. Christian rapper Sho Baraka also enlists references from the rap mogul in his song, "Higher Love":
I've been burned by the world, and it showed no sympathy
I would give my all and it stripped me of my dignity
Stripped me of my reason, my morals and my temper
Stripped me of everything, I was in love with a stripper
Of course, Baraka is not referring to an exotic dancer nor is he irreverently analogizing our Savior to one. After our worship team finished their song, I was left with a few questions (surprise!); it was difficult for me to understand how permissible it was to fashion Christian music after that of an artist who chooses to refer to himself as "Teddy Pinnedher[...]down." I was always wary of artists who employ secular music to appeal to the unchurched because I figured that it would eventually funnel them back into secularity. I imagined that if someone outside of relationship with Christ was actually appealed to by this type of Christian music, they would more than likely ask the artist about their song. Upon discovering that the song was actually a sampling of music by a secular artist, they may go home, research the secular artist, decide that genre appeals to them more, and essentially abandon the Christian artist altogether.
I met up with my friend after service and discussed the performance with her. Her opinion was that the worship team engaged in what she refers to as "deep sea fishing." By this, she meant that the team was simply approaching evangelism in a way that would reach those who aren't into Christian music. Her argument made sense as I know many people who aren't fans of Christian rap because they either don't like the beats, the lyrical styles, or either. Her point of view reminded me of a scripture in 1 Corinthians 9:21-23:
To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law... I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
As it turns out, contrary to the older beliefs of what is and is not permissible for worship in the House of God, the worship team actually wasn't wrong for their decision to sample a secular song. Some may still have their contentions about whether or not it was appropriate to perform it at Sunday morning service, but neither here nor there, I am sure that the song appealed to somebody somewhere. Who am I to judge?
PEACE
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Blackness
Nas -- Queens Get The Money
As an undergraduate, I remember sitting in one of my Afro-American studies courses when my professor posed this very potent question to his students:
"What does it mean to be Black?"
Saying no more, he surveyed the room and took mental note of the glances that we passed to one another. We were certain that Blackness was undoubtedly hinged upon society's reaction to the amount of melanin in one's skin. For our entire lives we accepted the label of being Black, accepted whatever implications came along with being Black, and unassumedly adopted the stereotypes and speculations associated with being Black. But was that the extent of it? Skin and stereotypes? Did it have its own culture? Do its members share a universal history of maltreatment? We individually wrestled with this question until someone was brave enough to offer their opinion:
"It's an issue of skin color."
Of course, the professor probed the student to go deeper.
"It's an issue of skin color that correlates with the culture, history, and treatment of African-American people."
"Just African-American people?"
"Well, no. It affects anyone who can visibly be identified as having dark skin, coarse hair and African features. Dark skin is a typically undesirable trait, no matter what race you claim."
We managed to turn that one question into an intimate seminar that lasted for three weeks. It wasn't on the syllabus. We were broadsided with having to confront the reasons why we so readily assumed that we were Black without having a firm understanding of what being Black encompassed. We had to come up with solid answers as to why we believed that it was solely our skin color that warranted injustice and prejudice. We had to address how we can substantiate faulty generalizations regarding the color of one's skin. He even tested us on it!
The questions worked. Our minds got to thinking. We wanted to discover if degrees of Blackness existed and the extent to which we could lay claim to being a part of the Black Experience. The discussions were so fulfilling that a fellow classmate took it upon herself to research her family's history. To say that she was proud of being Black (as she knew it) is an understatement. Having a relatively superficial knowledge of her familial background, it took her months before she ultimately discovered that no member of her family experienced American enslavement; she was actually the descendant of Black Spaniards that willfully immigrated to the US at the turn of the century. She know had to learn how to address issues of injustice on the planes of being Black AND Latina. The questions made me think of one of my girlfriends. She is Black by American standards, so is her family. She grew up in a predominately Black neighborhood. However, she does not identify with being Black. She is fluent in Spanish and listens to mostly Spanish music. She holds degrees in Spanish and Latin American studies. Under her own admission, she's Latina. Oddly enough, I do not feel that she is suffering from an identity crisis. I simply feel that she has chosen to relate to her Blackness on a more universal level; as opposed to conforming to the supposition of what it means to be African-American, she chooses to view herself as being a Black Latina. If placed in a Spanish-speaking country, she'd have no trouble being identified as such due to her infatuation with and immersion in Latin culture. The course also made me take into consideration members of my own family. I identify with being a Black American. But, my maternal and paternal bloodlines are like night and day -- literally. My mother is the descendant of extremely fair skinned Black French Creoles. If they chose (which they didn't!), they could have easily passed for being White. On the other hand, my father's family is extremely dark skinned. My brother and I are obvious products of their union as we are one of the few cocoa-colored members of our families. We have cousins that are technically polar opposites of one another with skin tones ranging from milk white to deep chocolate. And yet in still, we are all Black. To varying degrees, we are all subject to the nuisance of its stigma. Both sides are plagued with their own set of stereotypes relative to their Black ancestry. One member may battle accusations of being uppity, sadity and bourgeosie out of simply being a fair-skinned Black while another may struggle with accusations of being violent, shifty and dangerous due to the deep hue of his dark skin.
My professor would be pleased. Years after taking the course my mind is still questioning. Is our blackness linked to skin color or familial nationality? If it is not skin color, does that mean that Whites can be Black if they relate to pro-Black sentiment? If it is a question of family origin, is one's Blackness limited to those who have traceable roots to Africa? If this were the case, everyone could be considered Black as Africa is strongly believed to be the cradle of civilization. If African roots were all that it took to label you as a Black person, what becomes of the American born children of Egyptians and Moroccans who most resemble those of Middle Eastern descent? Is it truly just an issue of skin color?
The resolution that I took away from this course is that Blackness is a relatively social construct employed by individuals who feel the need to implement a way of maintaining an order of superiority. Blackness on the individual level can be something that one defines on his own terms. It is common knowledge that society has developed its own system of who falls in the category of being Black, but the system is broken and malfunctioning. Blackness is a theory that is so vast and incomprehensible that creating truthful generalizations is nearly impossible. Blackness is a concept that defines countless cultures and histories. And they are all truly beautiful.
... PEACE
Friday, January 2, 2009
I Don't Buy It
I still hate talking about relationships, but I feel that for the sake of my sanity there are some things that we still need to discuss before we continue in our cycles of villifying members of the opposite sex. I'm sure that many may be aware of the "[Negroes/Witches] ain't [sic]" philosophy, but let's take a moment to consider how detrimental this mindset is to the progression of our culture as Black people. Far too often, I'm reminded of the highly presumptive fallacy that there there are no positive, single Black men. It's reverberated by everyone from my closest girlfriends to my church's Sunday school coordinator to random strangers who choose to engage me in light conversation. I'm always perplexed by this argument, and before the end of our conversations I find myself engaged in a slight debate defending our men to our sisters. Not to White men. Not to Asian men. To Black women. Some have used the argument that no one knows Black men like Black women. This may very well be true. But I feel that it is important that we realize (as Black women) the effect that this may take on the psyche of our men. Women (not necessarily feminists) typically love to gain empowerment through any viable medium available and by any means necessary. I believe that within every woman, no matter how naturally docile she may be, there is a desire to prove to not only herself but to her male counterparts that she is a fomidable force capable of independent subsistence. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm that way myself. But I must ask, at whose expense? With all of the 'girl power' songs coming out as of late, I have born witness to just how agitating the words mewed in the lyrics can be to those who are trying to embody whatever it means to be a Good Man. I can recall a situation that occurred a few weeks back while riding in the car with one of my good male friends. Usually a laid back guy, I noticed how quickly my friend's demeanor switched from placid to annoyed when Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" began to play on the radio. Scowling, he turned off the radio and muttered, "I hate that song. It's just another male bashing hit." Before I could defend B and tell him that it was just a song, I decided to take the contents of its lyrics into consideration. As it turns out, Beyonce doesn't croon about how she wishes that she were her significant other. She sings about if she were a boy.
Oh, let's talk about generalizations.
Given the fact that most dissatisfactions with Black men are highly generalized, we put those men who strive to be epitomes of success, respect and intellect in a position that forces them to constantly battle the negative stereotypes surrounding masculinity in his culture. Beyonce catchily talks about how she would treat herself if she got the privilege of being both the male and female protagonists in her own relationship. She would listen, because she knows how it hurts. She would be more compassionate to avoid the assumption that she doesn't care how it hurts. It just hurts, and (s)he(?) did it. The most prevalent generalizations attributed to the unavailablility of marriageable Black men are most often personal flaws that can be assigned to only a handful of the actual population. For example:
1. "He's lazy and unwilling to find a job." -- Personal Flaw.
2. "He's unkempt and has bad hygiene." -- Personal Flaw.
3. "He's unfaithful." -- Personal Flaw.
4. "He's disrespectful and can't complete a sentence without using profanity." -- Personal Flaw.
5. "He's uneducated." -- I hesitate to say that this is a personal flaw as I'm almost certain that political and socioeconomic factors played a role in this. You get my drift.
Nobody likes generalizations. African American history (and Latino history, and Middle Eastern history...) is riddled with generalizations that continue to serve as stereotypes that its sharers have to dispel on a daily basis. In all honesty, how much sense is there (in view of the diversity of its defendants) in claiming that ALL Blacks are lazy, stupid, dirty mongrels? It was (and continues to be) a wildly popular opinion. There is not any more sense in upholding the belief that all Black males are lazy, disrespectful and uneducated. I feel that we'd all fare better if we decided to alter our verbiage to make labeling a bit more specific (if we must do it at all).
I suppose that the reason why this whole issue upsets me to the degree that it does is because the assumption that there are no "good" Black men is an attack on all of the positive men that I have known in my lifetime. They must not know who my father was. A man who, in spite of his flaws, never let his children wonder about how much he loved them. They must not know who my brother is. A man who, in spite of being a 16-year-old high school student, managed to work three jobs to support the family when we fell on hard times. They must not know who my frat brothers are. Gentlemen in their own right who love wisdom and truth. All respectable men. If I had to offer one piece of advice on relationships, I would have to say that we have to lighten up on one another. And yes that goes both ways; brothas, respect women as the awesome wonders that they are, the vehicles through which our people pass from eternity into time. Sistas, respect your men as the backbone of a people who managed to endure innumerable years of torture, injustice and oppression. Don't settle for anything less than God's best, but recognize a king when you see one!
PEACE